THE TABOO LIBRARY
TABOO MASSAGE
EROTIC NUDE MASSAGE
If you book a full-body massage with a traditional massage therapist, they do not massage the whole body. They take it for granted that we all understand that the body has taboos that they will not touch. As a taboo explorer, I decided to help dissolve the taboos of the body.
How I Became a Somatic Sexologist
More than fifteen years ago, I came across a workshop in London where men could learn sensual massage and practice giving pleasure to women. Twenty male students spent four hours working with ten female volunteers, receiving instruction and guidance from an experienced practitioner.
The workshop was already fully booked. The facilitator was a well-known erotic massage therapist, and I immediately found his approach to sexuality both fascinating and innovative. I contacted him, told him about my background, and he invited me to attend as an observer and assistant instructor.
As the workshop progressed, many of the participants began asking me for guidance, and afterwards, both the students and the facilitator were pleased with my contribution. Wanting to deepen my understanding, I later booked an intensive private training programme with him.
WORKING AS AN EROTIC MASSAGE THERAPIST
After completing my training, my teacher invited me to work in his London clinic whenever he needed extra help. It gave me the opportunity to continue learning while gaining valuable practical experience.
According to the clinic's website, we offered yoni, tantric and therapeutic massage to women seeking a more relaxed and fulfilling relationship with intimacy.
People often asked whether I became sexually aroused while working. The answer was always no. Although many of my clients were attractive, I never experienced sexual desire during a session. I was open, caring, and fully present, but I had no wish to become sexually involved with my clients.
My role was to create a safe, intimate space where the client's needs, experiences, and development remained the sole focus. Clients never had to consider my desires or expectations. I loved working in that environment because I enjoyed the transparency and honesty. Clients would speak openly about subjects they had often never shared with anyone before.
THERAPY VERSUS SEX WORK
Over time, however, I realised that my teacher and I viewed the work very differently.
With some clients, he became openly flirtatious, and sessions occasionally developed into situations where the client also stimulated him sexually. Although this always happened at the client's initiative, it became clear to me that he lost his professional presence whenever he became sexually involved. Rather than maintaining a therapeutic relationship, he created emotional dependency and intimate attachments that undermined his role as a therapist.
He was an exceptionally skilled massage practitioner, but in my view, he had never truly learned to separate his professional role from his own sexual desires. When I tried bringing up the topic with him, he became defensive. That was when I decided to leave the clinic, return to Copenhagen and establish my own practice based on a different set of principles.
WHY WOMEN SEEK MY CLINIC
People often ask why women choose to work with me, and the reasons vary greatly.
Some are chronic pleasers who have spent years focusing on their partner's pleasure while losing contact with their own needs. For them, it can be deeply liberating to experience intimacy with someone who expects nothing in return and whose attention is entirely devoted to their experience.
Others have experienced trauma or sexual abuse and are looking for a safe environment where they remain fully in control while exploring intimacy at their own pace.
Some clients have become disconnected from their sexuality after years of stress, demanding careers or sexless relationships. Others are simply curious and wish to explore intimacy, touch and sexuality in a new and conscious way.
Occasionally, a client asks whether she may pleasure me during a session. My answer is always no but if she wants to learn how to pleasure a man — I can arrange for her to meet a male practice partner while I remain in the role of facilitator and instructor.
BEFORE EACH SESSION
Before every session, we address the client's preferences regarding touch, massage, boundaries, sexual experiences, physical and emotional wellbeing, and any concerns she may have. We also talk about previous negative sexual experiences, trauma, difficulties reaching orgasm, or feelings of shame related to sexuality.
If a client feels nervous or shy, she is always welcome to remain partially clothed or covered with a blanket throughout the session.
THE ILLUSION OF TECHNIQUE
The internet is filled with videos explaining how to pleasure a woman. What they rarely mention is that no two women are alike.
People differ enormously in sensitivity, erogenous zones, emotional needs and preferred forms of stimulation. Many also have what I call anti-erogenous zones—areas where touch creates discomfort rather than pleasure. Ignoring these differences can easily cause someone to close down emotionally as well as sexually.
Some people become aroused by turning inward into deep presence, while others need dialogue and connection. For some, trust, empathy, and emotional safety are the strongest erogenous zones of all.
I have even worked with clients who reached orgasm simply because I blew gently on the right part of their body or quietly gave them permission to let go completely. If you want to be a master at giving pleasure, there is no universal technique.
The success of a session depends much more on the quality of the connection than on any particular method. A great connection cannot be manufactured through technique alone. It emerges when a person feels completely safe, accepted, and free to unfold according to their own nature.
Ironically, this atmosphere is often easier to create with someone outside a romantic relationship. There are no everyday conflicts, jealousy, expectations, fear of loss, or relationship dynamics competing for attention. The entire space exists for one purpose only: Helping the client to open themselves, become more present, relaxed and authentic while being intimate.