TABOO OF DEPRESSION

By Carsten Graff

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I'm not the kind of man who takes his psychological imbalances for granted. That's why I prioritize a good depression above everything else. A depression forces me to delve into the part of my reality I'm tempted to try to suppress. That's why a depression is a unique opportunity to get in touch with reality.

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To receive the full benefits of a depression, I naturally need to avoid distractions such as drugs, alcohol, entertainment, or anything else that pulls me away from my emotional reality.

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"A good depression is like an Eastern European black-and-white art film that seems to go on forever — though sadly, it always ends."

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As most people know, depressions come in many forms — short, long, deep, light, existential, emotional. If I am lucky enough to enter a long and deep depression, everything I normally desire suddenly loses its appeal. I become trapped inside a gray and meaningless inner hell while my demons are attacking me from all angles.

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A good depression is like an Eastern European black-and-white art film that seems to go on forever — though sadly, it always ends. And when it ends, something strange often happens. I enter a euphoric state where I suddenly feel intensely alive again. Over time, I have come to see this as the natural aftermath of a great and efficient depression. The darkness reorganizes something inside me before releasing me back into life.

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I should also admit that my somewhat egocentric relationship with depression has both advantages and disadvantages. Depression behaves a bit like aggressive dogs: they are attracted to people who fear them. If you choose to welcome them with open arms, you push them out of their comfort zone. As a result, they usually end up trying to avoid you.

 

For this reason, it has become increasingly difficult for me to maintain my focus on the darkness at the end of the tunnel.

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But as the old saying goes: Nothing is so good that something bad cannot come from it.

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