About Carsten Graff

Carsten Gaff is born 1962 and is a Danish award-winning and best-selling author. He has performed more than 2500 lectures worldwide and has written 25 books. Most of Carsten’s writing deals with taboos and Carsten defines himself a taboo-philosopher, unhabitual thinker and intimacy explorer.



Carsten Graff is a former computer nerd and holds a master’s degree in computer science. While being at the peak of his career in the computer industry Carsten went through an existential crisis that made him start asking critical questions about his own profession. This made him write a book exposing all the drawbacks of computers. When the book was first published in Denmark it became an instant best-seller and was awarded the year’s most original work of non-fiction by the Danish Authors Society. The book was called Conversations with an Oak Tree It exposes our uncritical attempts to register and formalize everything – our fascination with phones and computers and our obsession with the Internet and other complicated systems that can do much more than we need.



Carsten’s second book was called the Internal elephant man and was what Carsten defined as the world’s first PHD in ignorance and non-scientific thinking. In the book Carsten is studying the mental strength of the philosophical standpoint of knowing that you know nothing. These are some of Carsten published books:


  • The Inner Elephant man

    • Carstens PHD in ignorance.

  • Murphy’s law for motorists

    • Looking at the advantages of negative thinking.

  • The book about not reading books

    • A non-best-seller that might be the last book you will read.

  • True Ant

    • A children’s book about asking difficult questions


    • Novel about diseases related to overuse of information technology

  • A Clean Connection

    • The story of Carstens polyamorous lifestyle.

  • Encyclopedia of the unmentionable

    • New words defining areas most people are afraid of addressing

  • The art of letting go

    • Conversations between a body-therapist and a philosopher.

  • Trip to the present

    • Conversations between a business coach and a philosopher

  • Love Stories from Other planets

    • Carsten’s anthropological study of the unknown frontiers of sex and love.



  • Handwriting year 2521

    • A handwritten book about the invention of handwriting in a distant future.

  • The Virtuous Demon

    • The shocking book about the World’s Greatest Taboo

  • The Feminist

    • The world’s first Business BDSM-book

  • Insanity

    • The business book about the absurdity of personal development.

  • MusePower

    • A book about sexual attraction and its power to boost and rejuvenate.   



  • Carsten Graff and Henrik Meng invited 5000 people while lecturing about the art of being in the present.  


After doing several thousand lectures Carsten decided to create a new kind of lectures creating a third dimension for participants. At every lecture guests were invited to participate – either by a certain action or through a certain mindset.


  • Erotic church

    • Carsten rented a church in Copenhagen inviting guests to make love.

  • The naked lecture

    • Carsten was naked while lecturing about indecent exposure in front of 300 naked guests.

  • The philosophy of stealing

    • This lecture only had access for people who would cheat their way in or steal tickets.

  • The taboo of money

    • At this lecture the guest would receive money for their participation.

  • The taboo of Dark emotions

    • 250 people went for a lecture in complete darkness being guided by blind waiters.

  • Be faithful to unfaithfulness

    • 100 participants had to bring a person with whom they wanted to be unfaithful.

  • The art of being unpopular

    • Carsten did this lecture for 150 of his worst critiques.   



Carsten has written a number of biographies about what he defines as outstanding people with whom he feels he can identify. All stories are written in first person.


  • The Dreamcatcher

    • A dive into the hidden culture and mindset behind multilevel marketing.

  • Love for life

    • The life story of the man who – by accident – gave inspiration to ecological farming while being a pioneer behind biodynamical farming.

  • Letter for my mother

    • An intimate, extreme and personal story about incest and abuse with a rare and happy ending.  

  • Not just for lust

    • Women tells their secret stories revealing their reasons to visit sex clubs alone.

  • Strength and Health

    • The story behind a very efficient, but also controversial therapeutic system.

  • Opening Pandora’s box

    • The hidden story behind the creation of the world’s biggest jewelry brand.

  • True survivor

    • For the first time the personal story behind one of Russia’s most famous crime stories.



Over a period of 10 years Carsten Graff facilitated more than 200 workshops taking groups of people to nature. Carsten created special conditions making it possible for the participants to explore themselves and each other. These processes were based on what Carsten called his concept of anatomy of emotions. Carsten created his own curriculum from scratch inventing more than a thousand now emotional exercises.  



Most of his life Carsten has been exploring unconventional approaches to intimacy and relationships.


My love- and sex life has for many years been – to say the least – unconventional. When it comes to intimacy my curiosity is endless and I keep making new experiments to learn more.  When a few years back I opened my therapeutic counselling, service called “The Surrogate Lover” I did it after asking myself the following question:

Wouldn’t it be healing for both parties if a therapist could make genuine love to his or her clients?

To explore this idea further I set myself up as a ‘surrogate lover’ making love to my clients while being their therapist.



  • Carsten is working with a global sperm donation project defining his own culture within sperm donation.



  • Carsten is defining and researching in a dating culture based on his experiences with sugardating and polyamory wanting to combine the best of two worlds.